Tea drinking is important to developing software. It matters how you drink it, as well as how you prepare the tea.

It was a very long time ago, whilst working in a development team with a well-known computer company in Japan that I first realized there was more to drinking tea than dumping a typhoo teabag into a mug. One day, we’d reached that point where we were all completely jaded, when someone suggested going to see a Geisha for chakai. I had no idea what to expect and I was slightly apprehensive as I didn’t know the Japanese for ‘Excuse me Madam, but I’d rather keep my clothes on if you don’t mind’. We piled off into a bus and ended up in a beautiful wooden house where an elderly Japanese geisha, dressed in exquisite traditional kimono, entertained us to tea. We sat cross-legged around a table as she acted as hostess with both skill and dignity, entertaining us with a stream of jokes which had all the Japanese speakers convulsed in laughter. Even I couldn’t help giggling, though she could have been reading the telephone directory for all I knew. It worked like a charm. We piled back to work in a completely changed mood. I was amazed and delighted; and discovered that it was standard practice to ‘clear the brain’ in this way when things got stressed and out-of-proportion.

For Britain, the ceremony is quite different, but just as important. It is usually known as ‘cha’, the Chinese name, taken from army slang. First, the teapot; this must be brown earthenware, and has always been known as ‘Brown Betty’ for some reason. Brown Betty’s shape has been refined over hundreds of years. It is never dribblesome. (There is a book called ‘The Dribblesome Teapot’ by Norman Hunter, purely about a ‘Brown Betty’ that dribbles), It is brown because that color conserves the heat best. The Tea is of great importance. I favor a high-quality Assam, full-bodied, black as sin, unblended. Just to describe it make me tremble with excitement. A Sri Lanka Kanoy can be wonderful, producing a luscious bright-golden infusion. Darjeeling is excellent, with its rich, fruity taste. For variety, I’d always include Keemun or Oolong. Of course, on a hot day, a Celon tea is wonderful, served as Ice tea. People who claim they don’t like tea have probably drunk only disgusting reject leaves sent by puzzled producers in India over to the Midlands of England where it is mistakenly considered a delicacy.

I have a rather unconventional liking for Gunpowder tea, rolled in pellets, and unfermented. This Chinese green tea can be sipped for hours without the caffeine effect becoming unpleasant. In London, you will always find me in Soho, in an excellent Chinese restaurant where they happily bring you endless Brown Bettys full of piping hot Gunpowder tea.

I’m very much on the liberal wing as far as the preparation of tea goes. As I have previously pointed out in a blog, the art is to extract the caffeine without too much tannin; whilst conserving the aroma and flavor. The aroma relies on very volatile essential oils. You make a mistake and the flavor has gone. Warm the pot first. Always boil fresh water (soft water is best) and infuse the tea for three to five minutes, perhaps longer in hard-water areas, stirring the pot occasionally. Use one rounded teaspoonful of tea for each cup required. You will find that a six-minute infusion is required if tea is to be drunk with milk because the casein in the milk reacts with the Tannin.

Tea should be served in a quiet room away from the phones and screens. I have never been able to get hold of a professional Master of ceremonies, such as a Geisha, but one can take this role in turns. The Master of Ceremonies works very like a Chairman. Nobody is allowed to dominate the conversation, or to get overly technical. The ceremony ends in fifteen minutes. Any mention of post-it notes, pigs or chickens is banned.

The subject of Biscuits is contentious. I have even heard tell of chocolate biscuits being served, but I think that the line must be drawn here. If biscuits are served, they should be plain, so as not to detract from the delicate flavor of the tea. Dunking is anathema.

A final word about Milk and Sugar: Milk is allowable, so long as the tea is prepared specially for the addition of milk. Sugar ruins anything it is added to, and destroys the taste of tea. The Health Stasi who interfere with our natural god-given wholesome human right to the occasional Sumatran Cigar would expend their beastly energies to far greater good by pursuing the disgusting habit of adding sugar to tea.

Ever since I was initiated to the idea of Tea Ceremony in development teams, I have introduced it many times with great success. Unlike Agile Scrums, the practice leads to peace, harmony and a clear head. I once encountered some resistance when introducing the tea ceremony to a development team of rough Essex people near Southend. They called the glorious Formosa Oolong that I bought for them ‘Poofy Tea’, a name that somehow stuck. They took a long time to come to terms with the idea that Dunking was an unnatural vice, and that sugar was a vile drug. They knuckled down eventually, became converts, and ended up enthusiastically trying all sorts of way-out teas. One day, I shall tell the story of the tranquilizing effects of Elderflower Tea, Hop Tea and Apricot tea in the workplace.